Oh HELL no

I am fuming mad. Livid. Seething. Mostly I am disappointed, but that takes a back seat at this point.
My son has a developmental disability. Autism. The core deficits are socialization and communication issues. Lately, we've run into behavior issues as well.

Let's back up just a little. My son is in the third grade this year. We had the nice little chat with his class at the beginning of the school year to try and explain autism and how it affects Eli. Shortly thereafter, we started experiencing backlash. Kids would tease him about things they knew would set him off. Kids that age start to get really mean. They provoke and antagonize him but are clever enough to do it when teachers' backs are turned. By the time he reacts, the antagonists are back in their own seats, acting as if nothing has happened. Who gets punished? Eli.

Just before Christmas break, there was an incident which the assistant principal deemed serious enough to assign my son a full day suspension. Let me state unequivocally that I cannot stand the assistant principal. I have my reasons. I fought it, keeping my son home for the final three days before break just to keep him from serving a full day suspension for a meltdown he was unable to control. Again, he is autistic. He cannot "reset" himself in a full-blown meltdown, no matter how many useless adults are standing at a safe distance, shouting at him to "Reset!" Ridiculous, right?

After contacting the staff, threatening to pull my son from school and other drama, the principal agreed (after three weeks, break lasted two weeks) that a full-day suspension was not appropriate punishment, especially considering the incident had taken place so long ago. Months passed with no incidents. However, since the incident had caused such a major uproar, the staff felt it prudent to finally administer a Reactive Behavior strategy for my son. I felt at the time that it really should be a Proactive plan rather than reactive, but what the hell do I know? The strategy paperwork was several pages in length. Most of it was pretty innocuous and I had no problem with it. The final two items, however, threw some red flags for me. In short, any physical aggression or any threat of any kind were grounds for immediate suspension in the principal's office.

I have a problem with that, and made my fears known at the parent-teacher conference held just 2 and a half weeks ago. My fear was that any minor infraction could be considered grounds for suspension. His team quickly assured me that was not the intent, that this was only for very serious and repeated offenses. They claimed to have "based it on the school code of conduct" but I pointed out that the code of conduct is much less vague than what they had proposed. They assured me that the wording would be changed. Apparently, it was not changed.

Yesterday, Eli came home from school with a perfect behavior chart. Not one negative comment or mark. Yet as I went through his backpack, I came across a heartbreaking note written by my son. In the note, he wrote about how very sad and disappointed in himself he was for his behavior, and how angry he was with himself, and the line, "Here I sit in the principal's office" jumped off the page at me. What the hell. I called his teacher who was a little vague on what had happened and even when it had happened. I asked how he could possibly have a perfect behavior chart and still wind up in the office. She related that he had been sent to the office sometime last week, for what she was not entirely sure, but it had been a recess incident.

Today I got a followup call. His classroom teacher, who was not present at the time of the incident, told me that Eli had been at lunch recess last MONDAY, picked up a big stick from the grassy area and hit two other students. Because of his behavior, he ended up spending all of the remainder of the school day in the office. I asked what really happened. Had they questioned my son? Who saw it? Maybe he was off by himself as he usually is, swinging the stick and the other kids got too close? Were they seriously injured? No answers to any of it. They had NO ANSWERS for me.

The most important question I asked, she did have an answer for. Why didn't anyone notify me? They forgot. Yep. They forgot. That's the bullshit answer they gave me.

I have no recourse. I cannot hire an attorney to fight for my son. Nothing ever changes. The other kids, well you know, they are all perfect. They never provoke him. They never tease him to his breaking point. They don't push his buttons. In short, every single thing that my son does, he does because he is naughty and he should be punished, and often. Furthermore, I have no rights as his mother to know when he has been punished in a manner that I fought against from day ONE. And yes, most of what you just read is not even thinly veiled sarcasm.

I am so pissed I cannot see straight. I am sick to death of my son getting no respect as a human being. He works his tail off every day to get through school. The stimulation is painful. The torment is a staple. And there is just no way to stop it.

I don't even want to think about what comes next. I am so tired of fighting and getting nowhere.