The Great Equalizer

No, I am not talking about Health Care Reform.

I'm talking about video games. Specifically, Nintendo DS.

The family was invited to an evening with friends this past Friday night. We readily accept invitations to just about any gathering. We don't hide in our home and moan about how autism has killed our social life. We get out there. Frequently. Most of the time, Eli does just fine and if he has a problem, we either leave or take a little break to let him regroup. At any rate, he adores the family that was hosting the gathering, so it was a safe bet.

We arrived around dinner time with promises of baked ham and potatoes. Mmmmmm. Ham. Shortly after our arrival, another friend of the host showed up with her 9 year old son. At our urging, the host's son, who is 14, was instructed to take the boys downstairs to play the Wii. Ooooh, maybe not such a great idea. We do have a Wii at home, and Eli has had a bit of experience at school with his lunch buddy/mentor Wii bowling and such, but I had reservations. I asked the older boy to help Eli with the controller if he needed it, since they were Mario Kart Racing, not bowling. Totally different controllers and commands.

It ended as I had feared, with Eli frustrated that no one was letting him win. Well, duh. Kids are competitive and I explained, once again, that everyone wants to win. He cried a little out of frustration, announced that he hated the game, and didn't want to play. Okay, that's cool. He didn't have to play the Wii. He curled up on the couch with his DS to play Kirby. Not just any Kirby, mind you. Kirby Superstar Ultra, in Japanese. He had the English version, but has developed an obsession with anything Asian in the past few months. He had pestered me for about a month asking about the "Japanese section of Kirby" and I had no clue what he was talking about. Turned out he was mixing up the words version and section. He had seen a youtube clip of the game with Japanese language rather than English. Soon as I Googled it and found it, he started jumping up and down, yelling, "That's it! I told you!" Ahhhh, now I got it!

Just in case anyone out there is interested, I'd be quick to endorse the site Yesasia.com for all your Asian language media needs. They were not much more costly than English language and shipped promptly. We were given a tentative arrival date of March 4, and the game arrived a full ten days early. Nice surprise!

But back to the gathering, because this is really good.

We sat down to dinner and he ate everything, including salad that he chose to garnish with orange and yellow bell peppers and cucumbers, which surprised me, but he ate it. He ate tons of ham and a whole baked potato, asking if could "Hook me up with another one of those potatoes, Mom!" Gladly! I was really proud of him, since it used to be nearly impossible to get him to eat anything at all.

After food, the grownups sat in the living room and the two younger boys were there, but not really involved with one another. I couldn't blame the 9 year old, as Eli had lost control earlier. Hell, even adults have a hard time dealing with it, and the little boy's mom had not known to prepare her son for an autistic kid. Totally understandable, and not a big deal. So both boys settled in with DS in hand, each playing their own games.

Fast forward to a short time later. 9 year old was playing Super Mario Brothers. He'd glanced at Eli's Kirby game, fairly unimpressed with the Japanese aspect. 9 year old hit a level that he was struggling with and asked his mom if she could do the level for him. She gave it a shot, with Eli by then hanging over her shoulder saying, "You're doing it wrong." So much for tact! She gave it a couple of tries, and the whole time, Eli was saying, "I can do that level for you, I've finished it lots of times." 9 year old looked pretty unconvinced. Can't blame him, either. I mean, Eli had thrown a pretty impressive fit earlier, right? But he persisted, in his charming little autistic way, saying over and over that he could do that level. At one point, 9 year old said to Eli, "I KNOW how to do this level" and Eli says back, ever so nicely, "Have you finished it? Because I have!"

Finally, 9 year old's mom said, "Let him try it. I can't do it." and handed the game to Eli. He started through it, and both mom and 9 year old were watching closely. She said a couple of times, "How did you do that?! I didn't know you could do that!" when Eli was working through it. Did he succeed? You bet! He finished it, and wanted to do the next level. At that point, 9 year old wanted his game back, and said he could do that level so Eli gave it back, nicely. 9 year old worked through the level, then hit another he could not finish. He handed the game back to Eli and said, "Here. YOU do it." And Eli did. As he finished, he told 9 year old, "I can help you with any levels you can't do. I finished this game already. I can help you."

My point, and I do have one, is this. Our kids can shine as brightly as the next kid, given half a chance. It was nice to see the 9 year old grasp that Eli could be better than he was at something, and not be bothered by it. And equally, it was nice that Eli was not showing off, or trying to make someone feel badly, he was trying to help, and he did.