What I've Learned

My son turns 9 years old tomorrow. WOW. Time really does fly by when you're busy!

He showed up on time and was absolutely beautiful from Day 1. He is my fifth child and I knew what to do, no new mom nervousness at all. Early on, it became apparent that he was a little different from my other children. He didn't fuss more, or need more attention, but he developed on a different schedule than most children. He still does! And you know what? I'm okay with that.

Here is why I am okay with it. I believe that he has taught me more about being a parent than all my other kids put together. Oh, sure, they've all had some input. I learned about drama from my teenage daughters, I learned about picky eating from my oldest son, and I learned about daredevil tendencies from my second son (complete with a couple of trips to the ER).

Eli taught me so much more. He's made me a better parent for all of them. How could one little boy affect a veteran mom so much? Let me tell you.

He is autistic. We discovered it fairly early and I was pretty overwhelmed and yes, a little stymied at how to mother him. He showed me. When he did not begin to talk on schedule, I learned how to decipher his cues. I became more sensitized to non-verbal cues than I had to be with my other kids. As a result, I now am more sensitive to non-verbal communication with everyone. I have become pretty adept with reading body language. Thanks, Eli, for that.

When he developed some pretty strange eating habits, I initially panicked. He was not getting much bigger, and was not a huge kid to begin with. No one wants to watch their child starve. For an entire year, he ate a pretty limited diet, but he was eating, at least. I learned that a limited diet is not the end of the world, and as long as he was getting his nutritional needs met, it didn't matter if he ate the same things every day. He grew. So I learned that even though I would get really sick of eating the same things every day, it was fine for him.

I learned that developmental milestones are different for everyone. Although he did hit some of his milestones very late, he hit them eventually. One of the first to be obviously delayed was walking. He did not walk until he was 17 months old! For a few months before he started walking, he walked on his knees. He had calloused skin on his knees, but it was his method of getting around, and although none of my other children had done it, that was okay. He'd be knee-walking on the sidewalk, smiling from ear to ear.

I learned that what I want out of relationships is not necessarily what he wants out of them, and that a full dance card is not required for friendships to be successful. My other kids have a lot of friends. My house is frequently full of many people of varying ages, and I worried that Eli did not have a huge list of friends coming over or inviting him to play at their house. That's okay. Friends come in all shapes and sizes, and some of the people Eli connects with are not his age. Some are older, like his siblings' friends who make an effort with him. He does have a few little buddies at his school, so that's encouraging! But just because he doesn't have the same type of friendships that his siblings have doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just different.

I learned that patience is not just a virtue--it's a requirement. And it pays off. We've discovered that although it may take far more repetition for Eli to grasp a concept, once it's there, it's there forever. He is the only one of my five children who actually carries his own plate to the sink every single time he finishes. He's great with rules, once he understands what they are.

I learned to be more resourceful with Eli. When he began school, my oldest son was in his senior year of high school. The others were all still in school, as well, and none of them had required special services in their education. He did, and still does. While I do place a lot of the responsibility on the school, it became apparent that I would have to follow through and push for things I knew would help him. I've had to develop a relationship with his staff for his benefit. I've had to research a lot on my own for programs that would help him. It has paid off a thousand times over what I could ever have hoped for.

I've learned to focus not on my son's disability, but rather to focus on his abilities and help him to shine. He has an amazing sense of humor, tells great stories, and kicks some serious butt on video games. He likes to help cook and is willing to try almost any kind of food, especially if he has helped make it. He can roll out his own pizza crust with a rolling pin, fix it the way he chooses, and really enjoys it more than any pizza you can buy, since he did it himself. He has spent most of the summer in the pool, and can swim across it completely underwater. He has not had any swimming lessons at all, but he can do it! He loves jumping in Cannonball style, splashing me and his sister on our floaties. There is so much more that he can do--I focus on these things, rather than bemoaning what he can't do.

I have learned so much from Eli. I can't even begin to tell you all of it. I am so very proud of him for coming so far in such a short time. And although there are days when I get discouraged from setbacks or problematic behaviors, I've learned that there is always tomorrow. And thanks to him, I know exactly how many hours until morning when I put him to bed each night.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELI!