If Not for You...

I've spent a lot of time up on the third floor these past couple of months working on making the Mothership a more beautiful place to live. Sanding, stripping woodwork, tearing up old flooring and painting the walls a lovely shade of green. While I am up there, I listen to loud music to entertain myself. I splurged on an iPod for myself at Christmastime and love love love it! I connected it to an old wired set of speakers for a computer with an amazing bass boost, which probably doesn't thrill my neighbors, but it keeps me going.

Some of the songs stick with me, like they always do, and lately it's been Bob Dylan's If Not for You. I think about how my children have affected my life and how much I have changed since they arrived on the scene over 22 years ago.


First was Max, my beautiful little blue-eyed wonder boy who read at the age of three and cried when his Kindergarten suit did not fit him for first grade pictures. He's all grown up now, living hours away and working at a REAL JOB. He has pets and pays bills. That's grown up to me.

Next came Sam, my planned baby. He is a drummer, and I always knew he would be! He will be 20 soon, and has already done the "move to LA to be a famous rockstar" routine, came back home and moved into a party house across town. I do not approve, but it's not my place to approve. It's my place to let him live his own life and learn from past mistakes. He'll learn, eventually.


My Alice is a peach of girl, most of the time. She arrived a little over a year after Sam, a sweet baby girl with a deep dimple in her right cheek, just like her daddy. Having lived through her teenage years, I can honestly say that boys are easier than girls at that age, but now that she has finished a year of college, lived on her own and held a job the entire time, I'd say she has proven her worth in the real world. Not to mention that she is a lot of fun to sit with on the porch people watching.


Hannah showed up a bit after the first three. She is just finishing up the sixth grade and is very proud to have been in the spring musical, as well as making the middle school's pom squad. She is talented as a singer and an amazing dancer, two skills she did not inherit from me. She got my overbite, dammit. She is a funny kid--always wants to be the center of attention and loves to make people laugh.


Then came Eli. He is another beautiful blue-eyed boy, and closely resembles Max physically as well as in personality. Weird, since they have different dads, but there it is. He changed me more than the other kids, in a good way.

The song may have been written for a lover, a friend, a child. I don't really know. All I know is that the lyrics touched me and I would get all misty listening to it. I would see slideshows of my kids' faces smiling as Bob sang his heart out.

I don't often wonder about how my life would have been different without all my kids in it. They have been with me for so long, I could not imagine my life without them.

If Not For You

If not for you,
Babe, I couldn't find the door,
Couldn't even see the floor,
I'd be sad and blue,
If not for you.

If not for you,
Babe, I'd lay awake all night,
Wait for the mornin' light
To shine in through,
But it would not be new,
If not for you.

If not for you
My sky would fall,
Rain would gather too.
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all,
I'd be lost if not for you,
And you know it's true.

If not for you
My sky would fall,
Rain would gather too.
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all,
Oh! What would I do
If not for you.

If not for you,
Winter would have no spring,
Couldn't hear the robin sing,
I just wouldn't have a clue,
Anyway it wouldn't ring true,
If not for you.

Copyright ©1970 Big Sky Music