When you're down, and troubled....

So I have James Taylor's greatest hits. Call me an old folkie, but he soothes the soul. And once in a while, when I am feeling a little blue, if I play his songs, I start bawling. Today is one of those days.

I watched little Eli try to play with neighbor kids yesterday and the night before last. Epic FAIL.

The first was a little neighbor girl who was riding her bike up and down the walk in front of our house. She's a nice little girl, two years younger than Eli chronologically. However, socially, she is light years beyond him. She already had a little playmate over, and Eli naturally gravitated toward them. It began nicely enough, but then an argument ensued over who was older. Eli is 7 and the little girl is 5. Obviously he is older, but the other little girl present is apparently 8, which is what led to the big argument. I am not sure what exactly was said, but it escalated to the point that I had to separate Eli from them. He was very upset.

The next was a small group of kids playing with the toddler next door and a couple of parents standing on the sidewalk supervising. Instead of turn taking, Eli decided to take the ball and roll himself around it, screaming and kicking when anyone tried to take it from him. When it became apparent that even the parents were too afraid to just TAKE it, I intervened, distracting him with the promise of yanking out that dangling tooth on the bottom. He instantly forgot all the drama, but the scene is etched indelibly in my mind. The parents sort of hovering, looking dismayed and nervous--the kids eyeing him with suspicion.

Last spring, I bit the bullet and sent out a mass email to all the South Side parents on the mailing list practically begging for someone, anyone to give Eli a chance. I explained that he has autism, described him and his symptoms, and said that I would love for him to have the opportunity to make some friends. Well, I got a ton of responses to the email--moms telling me they understood, would love to have their child play with Eli, etc. Guess how many actual playdates came out of it. One. Just one. A big thanks to all those who responded, but never followed through. It seems as though people like to portray themselves as understanding and tolerant, but when the chips are down, they don't want my kid around theirs.

I don't get it. He is not a violent child. He will occasionally hit, but so do most other kids, especially 7 year old boys. He is very talkative and has a fantastic imagination. He likes Legos and tends to get possessive over his creations, getting upset if someone breaks them--so do other 7 year old boys. He is compassionate--gives other kids hugs and tissues if they are crying. He loves plants--identifying irises and peonies as we pass by gardens on walks or drives. He is friendly, saying hello and asking "What are you up to today?" of the neighborhood when we walk the dogs.

So what the hell is he doing that is soooo wrong?!

Today is just a bad day, I guess. I have plans to take treat bags and popsicles to his first grade class to celebrate his birthday, since it falls in July and he wouldn't get this opportunity otherwise. To tell you the truth, it's a sham. I spent money and time trying to get these kids to say "Hey, Eli isn't so bad after all" when I know that it's just a waste. They have their attitudes and opinions of him set already. A couple of children in the class have already appointed themselves his tattletales, reporting every single tiny thing he does to the teacher. I kind of want to say to those kids, "Sorry! No treat for you!"

I finally picked up the copy of Since We're Friends, an autism picture book. In the book, the little autistic boy has a good friend who is understanding and defends his friend in social situations. He helps him, since they're friends. But Eli doesn't have even one friend to rely on. Not one.

So now I am off to listen to Sweet Baby James and You've Got a Friend and cry for a while. Not productive, not proactive, but self indulgent and at this point, possibly cathartic.