I gave up. Plain and simple.


I've left the forum about which I blogged yesterday, never to return. Why? I'll tell you why.


All it really did was make my blood boil. So many people there, yet only a handful of people posting away, squatting there all day long. I found myself embroiled in a silly contest of trying to counteract all the madness of the anti-vax crowd by posting actual autism news stories and supportive posts, but it was a losing battle. In the end, very few people commented on the actual autism news stories, which indicates a lack of interest. People want to read all the doom and gloom and warnings of impending mind control. They must, or there would have been some sort of response.


I had started to visit the forum far too frequently over the course of my day. Morning, noon and night I was logging in, seeing how many new anti-vax threads had begun and how many tragic stories had been posted with titles like Autistic Boy Hit by Truck Dies. They were countless. It was depressing and frustrating all at the same time, and that can't be good.


I was asked why I started going back by someone close to me, and I really had no good answer other than, "I'm bored. I really have very little to do during the day. At the very least, I'd like to think that I could help someone with advice on how to get a stubborn preschooler's foot into his shoes." Hint--Bend the child's knee. It uncurls the toes and the foot slides right in. But ultimately, I have to admit that I am drawn to the drama.


I'm not accustomed to being unemployed. It sucks, big time. There is no lack of money, thanks to unemployment, but I am seriously bored out of my mind. There is only so much housework I can do before I start to feel like a live-in maid. I only see friends occasionally these days, since they are busy with their jobs and lives. I am not. I am stuck at home. I hate it.


So the drama was a big draw. It was something to do to pass the time, watching people snipe back and forth at each other, toeing the line constantly to keep from being warned or banned by the moderators. It always puzzled me that the moderation on the forum was so incredibly inconsistent. And of course, there are the two sides involved--the crowd who absolutely buys the Vaccines Cause Autism hypothesis and the crowd who doesn't believe it for a minute. Each side cried out that the moderators favored the other side, much like a couple of kids who think the other is Mom's favorite.


I have a novel I've started but can't seem to prod myself into completing it. I know that very few people actually have their work published and it's tough to convince myself that writing is going to pay off one day. It's a fun little book, and the characters are indeed colorful and well-developed. The plot is outlined and I do enjoy working on it, but it's tough to make myself keep plugging away at something that may turn out to be a colossal waste of time. So, rather than set myself up for rejection and failure, I turned to the mental stimulation of the forum. Stupid, right?


I'll not go back now. I can find other ways to pass the time. Today, for example, I'll start carving pumpkins and take Eli to lunch at McDonald's after an early out from school. Parent-Teacher conferences are today and tomorrow, but I am off the hook for those. We have regular team meetings for Eli, so it's a waste of time to do a regular conference. He is having a great year at school after a bit of a bumpy start and I don't anticipate a ton of issues to discuss. In the long run, he is the only autistic kid I really need to worry about, and that's just as things should be for me to keep my sanity. There are other experienced moms on the forum, so I'll just turn over the reins to them and mind my own damn business.