We are all on the same team!

So here we are. School meetings. Can I just say that my son has an outstanding team of people behind him?


Yesterday was the first time since the beginning of school that we have had a Team meeting for Eli and it went fantastically well. We all packed ourselves around a table, sitting in tiny chairs, meeting agenda sheets in front of us to talk about that sweet little kid I call my son. In attendance were:
Principal and Assistant Principal, Classroom Teacher, Cross Categorical Teacher, Teacher Aide, Speech Therapist, Occupational Therapist, Social Worker, Autism Team Member, and of course, Me.


It was a great meeting! The format is casual, as this is not an official IEP meeting. It's a format where we meet every other month to discuss progress, strategies that are working, strategies that are not working, and goal assessments. I know these people well, which is an advantage. It doesn't matter that some of the team is new this year--I've been in contact with all of them--sometimes on a daily basis. Each day when I pick him up from school the aide walks him out after he has "checked out" on his goals sheet with his social worker and she gives me the low-down on how his day went. If he meets his goal, 80%, we stop at the gas station for candy. If he does not meet his goal--no candy. Sugar is a motivator and I am not ashamed to use it.


We are a TEAM for Eli. What this means to me is that we should all have the same goals and support each other. But Eli is a member of the team as well. Though he is not present at these meetings in person, we each feel his presence in the stories we share--both the accomplishments and the failures. There is a quote about how someone learns more from their failures than from their successes but I'm too lazy to look it up. Makes sense though.


I have written in the past about Eli's conversations and experiences with other children, and how I would like for social coaching to be a part of his personal curriculum. As he grows older, his differences from his peers will become more pronounced, not less. He is not going to just blend in. That's okay. We are not a family of blenders. We are individuals and all have something to contribute, right? So now, two years after I started pushing for socialization coaching, someone listened.


Eli loves other children and tries to engage them, but sometimes is too intense. He tends to obsess, which is okay in some instances, but if he is asking a question repeatedly, not listening to the answer, it turns other kids off and they wander away. Problem is, Eli is not paying attention. It was the OT who came up with a plan, bless her heart. She has noticed that though Eli may be paying attention with his ears, his eyes are not where they need to be for successful interaction. He needs continual prompts to look at his buddy--to notice facial expressions and body language. He's very good at decoding expressions and body language, but if he isn't even looking, he isn't going to have anything to decode.


His OT is a mom. She has four beautiful daughters who are friends with my older kids, and one of the girls has a learning disability. She understands the pain of not being included and really wants to help Eli connect. WOW. Someone who gets it! Her plan involves a lunch buddy for Eli--an older child to eat lunch with and help him navigate on the playground at lunch recess--a 4th or 5th grader who is likely to be a bit more patient than his peers and guide him in the mysterious ways of interaction. I LIKE this plan.


Don't misread my post by assuming that Eli is a total social outcast. He isn't--yet. The plan is to help him learn to converse/interact in a semi-normal way with typical peers. He wants to, and his classmates want to as well. His aide tells me that as soon as he hits the hallway in the morning, there are greetings coming from all directions. The other kids want to be his friend, but they don't know how to deal with him. It's just a matter of meeting in the middle, really.


And please, if anyone has suggestions for helping him learn to pay closer attention to nonverbal cues, share them here in the comments. As far as I am concerned, if you are reading this and you care about Eli, you are part of his team. Doesn't that feel good?