Can you hear me now? Good.

Sometimes you have to be a total jerk to get things done. Now is that time.

My autistic son has been in public school since he was 3 years, 1 week old. Yep. He started preschool a week after his third birthday and has been in the same district since the beginning. What this means is that he has had no less than 6 IEPs since he began, but really, there are more than that since we have frequent reviews.

On the IEP, there is a space for Parental Concerns. For the past six years, I have duly noted my own concerns about my son. In the beginning, there were many concerns--academic progression being one of them. However, the one thing that has remained consistent over all this time has been my concern with socialization. I want Eli to be as successful as he can possibly be in all areas, no surprise there, but the academics are pretty solid. So as time has passed, my concerns have shifted to only social ones.

I'm a pretty patient person. I realize that many educators, along with parents, are still learning about autism and how it affects an individual in ability to hold conversations, pick up cues from others, and how well they can function in society, which for an 8 year old child means school. So for the past few years, while I have noted my concerns about social awareness, coaching, etc., I have remained patient and understanding. That time has passed. I am PISSED.

When Eli was in kindergarten, I voiced concerns about bullying. I was reassured that no bullying would be tolerated, and that the other children were very kind to Eli. In first grade, after assisting with a classroom party, I was approached by a little girl, asking if I was his mom. She already knew, but I told her that yes, I am Eli's mom. She said to me, "He's really bad sometimes. Did he flunk kindergarten? Is that why he's older?" ..........................

Great. So here is a child attempting to get Eli into some sort of trouble by telling me he is bad, and she thinks he's stupid for repeating kindergarten. I explained that no, he did not "flunk" kindergarten, he did it twice to help him out. First grade was not a great year for Eli. He was repeatedly removed from his classroom and sat in the hall much of the year in a so-called Thinking Chair so that he could regroup. Gee, I wonder why he fell behind academically? Could it be all the time he was sitting in the hallway when he should have been in the classroom? Maybe...

This year he was sent to the hall. Once. When it happened, I raised such a stink that it has not happened again. So, what is the solution this year? Sending him to the Special Ed room for a third of the day. He is being removed from the class--again.

I was a little surprised by this revelation, and it has taken me some time to really process it. However, it did explain a few things. First off, it shows me where some of his recent behaviors might be coming from. While he is completely able to dress himself and did so consistently last year, this year he refuses, saying, "I can't." There are several examples of what I call Learned Helplessness going on, and I don't like it, not one bit.

Secondly, it explains why he is so reluctant to speak up in class. If he is spending such a large amount of time outside the class, he is obviously not comfortable there. I mean, there he is, minding his own business, just starting to settle in and POOF! Yanked out. And they say our kids have trouble with transitions. So yeah, let's compound the transitions several times daily--that ought to help, right?

Third, it tells me why some of the kids have indeed begun to target him. They feel that he is stupid. After all, he is taken from the class at least twice a day for extra help. The other kids don't need that help because they are smarter than him, right? Wrong, but that's how the kids perceive it.

I need answers. I have questions. Why is he being removed? What's the basis for this decision? Who decides? Should he be taken from mainstream and put in Special Ed full time if he is so impaired? What is best for HIM?

Sunday night was a rough one here. Eli refused to bathe himself. He yelled at me for getting water into his eyes when I was rinsing his hair and called me stupid and mean for doing so. Afterward, he apologized but he was sobbing as he did so. He told me that he hates school and did not want to go back. He said there are bigger kids at the school who call him stupid and make fun of him. He said he wants to be a different person, that he tries hard to be nice but people are still mean to him.

So there IS bullying going on. He is being targeted for being different, plain and simple, and it is escalating. He is not one to tattle, so the school has had no idea. Even though there is a NO BULLY policy, when is the last time a kid bullied another in plain view and earshot of a teacher? What, just because they don't see it, that means it isn't happening? Don't insult me. It happens a lot, and the general policy is if no one saw it or heard it, it didn't happen. Furthermore, when Eli gets upset he gets hard to understand. His words get garbled. He is stressed. So even if he tells what is happening, who is going to believe him?

I'll tell you who. ME. MY FAMILY. MY FRIENDS. We love Eli and believe him when he says these things are happening.

Back to the IEP. Social coaching and awareness skills. I can't help but think that if I had been listened to for the past several years, that perhaps he would be a bit further along. Not as far as his peers, but maybe he would be a little less behind. So now, I am being a bitch. A total PITA parent. I am writing emails and meeting with staff and I will NOT be silenced by frustration. I am tired of hearing that "Autism is a serious developmental disability and he is always going to have social problems, and this is going to be very hard for him." Really? Ya think so? Gee thanks for cluing me into that since I really had no idea. I know all that, which is why I have been asking for more social help for THE PAST SIX YEARS!

Eli can and will be successful with social interaction. He is bright, charming, incredibly cute, and yes, even funny. He has so very much to offer society, and society will benefit from him. But for now, it's still an uphill battle and one that I am prepared to fight. If I have to be a bitch to get what is best for him, so be it.