The Great Equalizer

No, I am not talking about Health Care Reform.

I'm talking about video games. Specifically, Nintendo DS.

The family was invited to an evening with friends this past Friday night. We readily accept invitations to just about any gathering. We don't hide in our home and moan about how autism has killed our social life. We get out there. Frequently. Most of the time, Eli does just fine and if he has a problem, we either leave or take a little break to let him regroup. At any rate, he adores the family that was hosting the gathering, so it was a safe bet.

We arrived around dinner time with promises of baked ham and potatoes. Mmmmmm. Ham. Shortly after our arrival, another friend of the host showed up with her 9 year old son. At our urging, the host's son, who is 14, was instructed to take the boys downstairs to play the Wii. Ooooh, maybe not such a great idea. We do have a Wii at home, and Eli has had a bit of experience at school with his lunch buddy/mentor Wii bowling and such, but I had reservations. I asked the older boy to help Eli with the controller if he needed it, since they were Mario Kart Racing, not bowling. Totally different controllers and commands.

It ended as I had feared, with Eli frustrated that no one was letting him win. Well, duh. Kids are competitive and I explained, once again, that everyone wants to win. He cried a little out of frustration, announced that he hated the game, and didn't want to play. Okay, that's cool. He didn't have to play the Wii. He curled up on the couch with his DS to play Kirby. Not just any Kirby, mind you. Kirby Superstar Ultra, in Japanese. He had the English version, but has developed an obsession with anything Asian in the past few months. He had pestered me for about a month asking about the "Japanese section of Kirby" and I had no clue what he was talking about. Turned out he was mixing up the words version and section. He had seen a youtube clip of the game with Japanese language rather than English. Soon as I Googled it and found it, he started jumping up and down, yelling, "That's it! I told you!" Ahhhh, now I got it!

Just in case anyone out there is interested, I'd be quick to endorse the site Yesasia.com for all your Asian language media needs. They were not much more costly than English language and shipped promptly. We were given a tentative arrival date of March 4, and the game arrived a full ten days early. Nice surprise!

But back to the gathering, because this is really good.

We sat down to dinner and he ate everything, including salad that he chose to garnish with orange and yellow bell peppers and cucumbers, which surprised me, but he ate it. He ate tons of ham and a whole baked potato, asking if could "Hook me up with another one of those potatoes, Mom!" Gladly! I was really proud of him, since it used to be nearly impossible to get him to eat anything at all.

After food, the grownups sat in the living room and the two younger boys were there, but not really involved with one another. I couldn't blame the 9 year old, as Eli had lost control earlier. Hell, even adults have a hard time dealing with it, and the little boy's mom had not known to prepare her son for an autistic kid. Totally understandable, and not a big deal. So both boys settled in with DS in hand, each playing their own games.

Fast forward to a short time later. 9 year old was playing Super Mario Brothers. He'd glanced at Eli's Kirby game, fairly unimpressed with the Japanese aspect. 9 year old hit a level that he was struggling with and asked his mom if she could do the level for him. She gave it a shot, with Eli by then hanging over her shoulder saying, "You're doing it wrong." So much for tact! She gave it a couple of tries, and the whole time, Eli was saying, "I can do that level for you, I've finished it lots of times." 9 year old looked pretty unconvinced. Can't blame him, either. I mean, Eli had thrown a pretty impressive fit earlier, right? But he persisted, in his charming little autistic way, saying over and over that he could do that level. At one point, 9 year old said to Eli, "I KNOW how to do this level" and Eli says back, ever so nicely, "Have you finished it? Because I have!"

Finally, 9 year old's mom said, "Let him try it. I can't do it." and handed the game to Eli. He started through it, and both mom and 9 year old were watching closely. She said a couple of times, "How did you do that?! I didn't know you could do that!" when Eli was working through it. Did he succeed? You bet! He finished it, and wanted to do the next level. At that point, 9 year old wanted his game back, and said he could do that level so Eli gave it back, nicely. 9 year old worked through the level, then hit another he could not finish. He handed the game back to Eli and said, "Here. YOU do it." And Eli did. As he finished, he told 9 year old, "I can help you with any levels you can't do. I finished this game already. I can help you."

My point, and I do have one, is this. Our kids can shine as brightly as the next kid, given half a chance. It was nice to see the 9 year old grasp that Eli could be better than he was at something, and not be bothered by it. And equally, it was nice that Eli was not showing off, or trying to make someone feel badly, he was trying to help, and he did.

Goobers has retired

Goobers is Eli's baby quilt. It began as a beautiful little quilt stitched together with love by his oldest sister and one of her best friends. Her friend's mom finished it, being a seamstress extraordinaire, with a silky edge in rainbow colors. For the past 8 years, the quilt has been a constant source of security for Eli, going with him on various trips, car rides, and adventures.

It became Goobers after Eli watched the Sponge Bob Squarepants movie a few years ago. No idea why he picked that name, but Goobers it was. The family would sometimes have to have an all-house search for Goobers when it was bedtime. Many tears were shed over Goobers' mysterious hiding places: under the couch, in his sister's room, on the front porch. I sometimes swore he (Goobers gained a gender with his name) did it on purpose just to torture us.

Since Eli's dad and I are split, Goobers has traveled between houses. There was one frantic night when the blanket was left at dad's house and he had to bring it over, ASAP. The things we do for love....

But last week, Eli was looking at Goobers with a critical 8 year old eye. He told me that Goobers was getting pretty old and beat up. That's an understatement! Thousands of wash and dry cycles after his creation, Goobers had transformed from a beautiful little quilt into a rag with a silky rainbow edge. "We need to put Goobers away. He's tired."

I was skeptical. Was it really just that easy? Just put him away? Yep, it was really just that easy. I stowed Goobers in his dresser and told him if he ever wants Goobers again, he's right there waiting for him. I was never one to take my kids' loveys away from them before they wanted to part with them. I guess, in a way, I was more sad to see Goobers go than Eli was.

He's growing up. There. I said it. Lately, he doesn't want me calling him Sugar, or Sweetie, or any other names but Eli. Furthermore, I am forbidden to kiss him. "That's for babies, mom. I'm BORED with kisses." Heavy sigh.

He's my last baby. I remember my older sons going through a similar stage when they were about his age so I shouldn't be surprised, but it's still bittersweet for me. He really is growing up, and I can't stop it. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he's making such great strides with maturation. But it comes with a price.

I know where Goobers is. He's taking a much-deserved rest and I am so proud of Eli for taking the initiative, for being secure enough to give him that rest. I see him when I put clothes away and I smile, thinking how much that little patch of ragged cloth has meant to my son for all these years.

And for the record, I do still give him kisses. I sneak in after he's fallen asleep and steal them. Wouldn't you?

A Shot in the Dark

Good grief when will this end?


I wandered on over to a forum to read. I can read, but if I post, then I get sucked into it all over again.


The forum is pretty dead, except for one section. Diet and Biomedical treatments for autism. Strangely, there are a lot of postings about chelation, which is neither dietary nor biomedical. Why are people still doing this to their autistic kids? Do they not understand that chelation is NOT a cure for autism? Guess not, because they are still doing it, sometimes for years on end. Here's a thought--if you've chelated a kid for years, it might be time to give up that ghost.



Chelation can happen in several ways. But I am getting ahead of myself here. What exactly IS chelation? In layman's terms, it's a chemical treatment to rid the body of harmful heavy metals, developed to remove lead from soldiers and sailors who were exposed to high levels of lead, and later, mercury and arsenic. Sounds reasonable, right? Patients were diagnosed with heavy metal poisoning, given treatment, and that was the end of it. The treatments did not span years or decades. You can read more about chelation here at Wikipedia.



Why are parents of autistic kids treating their kids with chelation? Well....I don't know. The simple answer is that the parents are desperate. Desperate to cure their child of his or her autism. They've been misinformed that their children are poisoned via childhood vaccines, and they've bought it hook, line and sinker. Hey, I am not judging here. I've been desperate myself a few times. But there are many studies refuting the vaccine-autism link. I tend to err on the side of caution and I am not about to subject my autistic child to a potentially deadly procedure to cure him of his autism. More importantly, I am not about to torment and torture my child.



The following are posts on a public autism support forum. I've changed the names of the people posting, but the posts are directly copied from the forum.



Question for anyone who is doing or has done suppositories



Poster #1: We have just started to do EDTA supp. our DAN just told me to keep minerals 6 hours away from the supp. He also had us add Selenium to our protocall. My question is I give it at night right before he is about to fall asleep. Is that when you give it and is there anything else I should be doing? I want to make sure I am doing it right.

TIA



Poster #2: good questions.. we will probably be starting DMSA suppositories soon..



Poster #3:

We weren't told to separate the suppository from any minerals.
We do the suppositories at night. I find the whole process goes a lot faster when my child is asleep or nearly asleep. Also, make sure the child has had a BM first.

Poster #2: XXXX, it doesnt wake your child up?



Poster #4: administer glycerine supp a few hours before bed, they'll poop, then give chelator when child is fast asleep



Poster #2: thanks XXXX.. I just worry that if I do it while hes asleep that he may be scared to go to sleep after that lol


Poster #4: doubtful...Get your husband to wrestle with child while you insert supp.


Now, my DS knows all about supps. Sometimes it's a chore, but I cannot stand seeing that belly when he hasn't pooped so in it goes.



Poster #3: Oh she wakes up but she's so groggy she falls asleep right afterwards.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the part that got to me:
Get your husband to wrestle with child while you insert supp.

WTF. I mean, really. So it's okay to wrestle with a child while you are shoving something up his butt. Something that does not even work. Chelation will not bring back the child you never had--the one without autism.


Let me get this straight. This kid is being given two suppositories--one to empty his bowels, which is most likely NOT medically indicated, and one to remove heavy metals from the child's system, which is also NOT medically indicated. And it's OKAY to wrestle with the child while shoving a suppository in.



This is not new. The first time I read about chelating suppositories on that forum was years ago, and the typical approach is to wait until the child is alseep, then sneak in the child's room and attempt to insert a suppository, all while the child is asleep. Poster #2 hit the nail on the head when he/she worried about the child being afraid of going to sleep after that. No really. You think? If I woke up to someone shoving something in my butt, I'd be afraid to go sleep too! Years ago a young and very misguided mother wrote on the forum about how her son would actually go to sleep with his hands over his butt. He got wise to the night raids and made an attempt to protect himself.



I apologize for the repeated visuals and use of the words "shove" and "butt" in this post but for crying out loud, this is not necessary! It is not helping!



Many parents report huge "gains" from their autistic child after rounds of chelation. Thing is, most parents see the same "gains" from their autistic children regardless of treatment. Autism causes developmental delays, not a developmental halt. So kids will improve with time and maturity, as well as with many PROVEN therapies. Some kids will improve dramatically for a time, then lag a bit. And hey, that's kinda normal, right? Even typical kids seem to develop in waves, correct?



Again, suppository is just one form of chelation therapy. There are transdermal patches, oral medication, and IV treatments. An autistic child died receiving IV chelation treatment a few years back, but it's not stopped parents from trying it on their own kids. These are the same parents who claim that vaccines have caused their child's autism, and here are the side effects of chelation, again from Wikipedia.

There is a low occurrence of side effects when chelation is used at the dose and infusion rates approved by the U.S. FDA as a treatment for heavy metal poisoning. A burning sensation at the site of delivery into the vein is common. Other side effects include fever, headache, nausea, stomach upset, vomiting, convulsions, bone marrow depression (dropping blood cell counts), a drop in blood pressure, cardiac arrhythmias, respiratory arrest, and hypocalcemia. Other concerns include kidney failure, which can require permanent life-limiting and expensive dialysis, or cause death.

2007 research with lab rats indicates giving chelating agent DMSA to rats without high levels of lead may cause lasting cognitive damage.

When EDTA is not administered by a health professional for the treatment of heavy metal poisoning more serious side effects can occur.

Chelation therapy can be hazardous, even conducted with the FDA-approved chelation agents. In August 2005, botched chelation therapy conducted by an ACAM member killed a 5-year-old autistic boy; a 3-year-old nonautistic girl died in February 2005, and a nonautistic adult died in August 2003. These deaths were due to cardiac arrest caused by hypocalcemia during chelation therapy. Only the 3-year-old girl had been medically assessed and found to have an elevated blood lead level and resulting low iron levels and anemia, a proper medical cause for chelation therapy to be conducted.

More than 30 deaths have been recorded in association with IV-administered disodium EDTA since the 1970s.

Wowzers. So it's okay to treat an autistic child with chelation? NO. It is not. Check this out, just in case you missed it.

2007 research with lab rats indicates giving chelating agent DMSA to rats without high levels of lead may cause lasting cognitive damage.

Cognitive damage may be caused if the child does not have high levels of lead but they are chelated. And is lead in childhood vaccines? Nope. Is it possible to cause cognitive damage with chelation? Yes.

When EDTA is not administered by a health professional for the treatment of heavy metal poisoning more serious side effects can occur.

Well that's lovely. What you see on the forums all the time are parents acting like doctors, telling other parents what to use, how much, and how to trick insurance companies into paying for it. Really. They will tell each other which codes to use because the treatment is not paid for otherwise. Because it is not medically indicated.

But it's okay, because so many parents do it, right? Wrong. It's not okay. Autistic individuals should not be used as guinea pigs. Chelation is not a valid therapy for autism.

It horrifies me to imagine being a child asleep in my bed, dreaming sweet dreams, and waking to find that my mom or dad has entered my room, my bed, and finally, my person. Sleep should be sacred. And if your kid has resorted to falling asleep with his hands protecting his butt, it might be time to reevaluate your priorities.

Can you hear me now? Good.

Sometimes you have to be a total jerk to get things done. Now is that time.

My autistic son has been in public school since he was 3 years, 1 week old. Yep. He started preschool a week after his third birthday and has been in the same district since the beginning. What this means is that he has had no less than 6 IEPs since he began, but really, there are more than that since we have frequent reviews.

On the IEP, there is a space for Parental Concerns. For the past six years, I have duly noted my own concerns about my son. In the beginning, there were many concerns--academic progression being one of them. However, the one thing that has remained consistent over all this time has been my concern with socialization. I want Eli to be as successful as he can possibly be in all areas, no surprise there, but the academics are pretty solid. So as time has passed, my concerns have shifted to only social ones.

I'm a pretty patient person. I realize that many educators, along with parents, are still learning about autism and how it affects an individual in ability to hold conversations, pick up cues from others, and how well they can function in society, which for an 8 year old child means school. So for the past few years, while I have noted my concerns about social awareness, coaching, etc., I have remained patient and understanding. That time has passed. I am PISSED.

When Eli was in kindergarten, I voiced concerns about bullying. I was reassured that no bullying would be tolerated, and that the other children were very kind to Eli. In first grade, after assisting with a classroom party, I was approached by a little girl, asking if I was his mom. She already knew, but I told her that yes, I am Eli's mom. She said to me, "He's really bad sometimes. Did he flunk kindergarten? Is that why he's older?" ..........................

Great. So here is a child attempting to get Eli into some sort of trouble by telling me he is bad, and she thinks he's stupid for repeating kindergarten. I explained that no, he did not "flunk" kindergarten, he did it twice to help him out. First grade was not a great year for Eli. He was repeatedly removed from his classroom and sat in the hall much of the year in a so-called Thinking Chair so that he could regroup. Gee, I wonder why he fell behind academically? Could it be all the time he was sitting in the hallway when he should have been in the classroom? Maybe...

This year he was sent to the hall. Once. When it happened, I raised such a stink that it has not happened again. So, what is the solution this year? Sending him to the Special Ed room for a third of the day. He is being removed from the class--again.

I was a little surprised by this revelation, and it has taken me some time to really process it. However, it did explain a few things. First off, it shows me where some of his recent behaviors might be coming from. While he is completely able to dress himself and did so consistently last year, this year he refuses, saying, "I can't." There are several examples of what I call Learned Helplessness going on, and I don't like it, not one bit.

Secondly, it explains why he is so reluctant to speak up in class. If he is spending such a large amount of time outside the class, he is obviously not comfortable there. I mean, there he is, minding his own business, just starting to settle in and POOF! Yanked out. And they say our kids have trouble with transitions. So yeah, let's compound the transitions several times daily--that ought to help, right?

Third, it tells me why some of the kids have indeed begun to target him. They feel that he is stupid. After all, he is taken from the class at least twice a day for extra help. The other kids don't need that help because they are smarter than him, right? Wrong, but that's how the kids perceive it.

I need answers. I have questions. Why is he being removed? What's the basis for this decision? Who decides? Should he be taken from mainstream and put in Special Ed full time if he is so impaired? What is best for HIM?

Sunday night was a rough one here. Eli refused to bathe himself. He yelled at me for getting water into his eyes when I was rinsing his hair and called me stupid and mean for doing so. Afterward, he apologized but he was sobbing as he did so. He told me that he hates school and did not want to go back. He said there are bigger kids at the school who call him stupid and make fun of him. He said he wants to be a different person, that he tries hard to be nice but people are still mean to him.

So there IS bullying going on. He is being targeted for being different, plain and simple, and it is escalating. He is not one to tattle, so the school has had no idea. Even though there is a NO BULLY policy, when is the last time a kid bullied another in plain view and earshot of a teacher? What, just because they don't see it, that means it isn't happening? Don't insult me. It happens a lot, and the general policy is if no one saw it or heard it, it didn't happen. Furthermore, when Eli gets upset he gets hard to understand. His words get garbled. He is stressed. So even if he tells what is happening, who is going to believe him?

I'll tell you who. ME. MY FAMILY. MY FRIENDS. We love Eli and believe him when he says these things are happening.

Back to the IEP. Social coaching and awareness skills. I can't help but think that if I had been listened to for the past several years, that perhaps he would be a bit further along. Not as far as his peers, but maybe he would be a little less behind. So now, I am being a bitch. A total PITA parent. I am writing emails and meeting with staff and I will NOT be silenced by frustration. I am tired of hearing that "Autism is a serious developmental disability and he is always going to have social problems, and this is going to be very hard for him." Really? Ya think so? Gee thanks for cluing me into that since I really had no idea. I know all that, which is why I have been asking for more social help for THE PAST SIX YEARS!

Eli can and will be successful with social interaction. He is bright, charming, incredibly cute, and yes, even funny. He has so very much to offer society, and society will benefit from him. But for now, it's still an uphill battle and one that I am prepared to fight. If I have to be a bitch to get what is best for him, so be it.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Time to shake things up a little bit. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? Turns out it's not broken, but still needs a little change.

Routine. Autistics tend to rely on routine and find comfort in it. For example--mornings I take Eli breakfast in his room. He's slow to wake up and mornings are hectic so I don't mind taking it to him and allowing him to eat there. No problem, and I don't see a reason to change it. Another routine--dropping him off at the same spot each morning and watching as he walks into the school. PB & J for lunch--yet another routine. Same old same, but it works.

But what happens when a routine becomes a problem? What then? Rip the bandaid off or pull it slowly? For most people, ripping seems most humane. Get it over quickly and it will be less painful. With Eli, slowly seems to be the answer.

Eli's dad and I are no longer a couple. The transition was slow, and sometimes quite painful, with his dad sometimes returning home for periods of time. Ultimately, we both knew the breakup was coming. So when we finally called it quits, it was no big surprise. For Eli, it seemed as though he had accepted it in his own way over the course of a year or so.

At first, his dad did not even see Eli for periods of up to and over a month. He just didn't show much interest. However, people change and over the course of this past summer Eli started spending weekends with his dad. Every weekend. Without fail. I must admit that this made me happy for a couple of reasons. First, his dad was finally taking an interest in his only child. That's a good thing on every level. Secondly, I got some much-needed and very appreciated respite from a reasonably high-maintenance child. Over the course of time this weekend routine has become a problem. Allow me to explain.

The Mothership is a very active household. There are at present time 6 of us in residence, including siblings, not including pets. We have two Labradoodles, Max's little mutt dog, five cats and two parakeets. It's loud, busy, and frequently messy--all factors that make an autistic kid a little on edge at times. His dad lives alone in a two bedroom apartment that does not allow pets. He also is unemployed, which means that the time he spends with his son is probably the most fun he has all week. No siblings, no pets, no noise, very little mess. He gets to be the center of attention at ALL times, being spoiled with his favorite fast foods and video games. Weekends are free time which means no getting up for school, no homework, and lazing around all day long.

Home, on the other hand, came to mean home-cooked food, homework, getting up every morning for school and the frequent chaos of a busy household. Guess which one Eli likes the most? You got it. Dad is now King.

This hurts me beyond what I could have expected. His dad has never read a thing about autism. He does not attend meetings, though he has occasionally gone to doctor's appointments with me, most recently to see a developmental specialist. That was over two years ago. So yeah, I have borne the brunt of parenting this very special little boy. I fight for him. I get up in the middle of the night with him. I make sure he gets his coat zipped and he has fruit snacks in his lunch for dessert. I get him to school on time every day so he doesn't have to get a Late slip, which he hates. I help him navigate social waters the best way I know how. I adore this little boy.

So, imagine having him walk in the front door after a visit at dad's, telling us we are all "lame", that he hates our home, he doesn't want to be here, he wants to stay at his dad's. Crushing. It is really all I can do to not just go to bed and cry over it at times.

Time for a change. Shake it up a bit. After talking to Jim about it, we came up with a plan. Instead of every single weekend at dad's, Eli is starting an every other weekend routine, with him also going to dad's each Wednesday night and dad taking him to school Thursday mornings. The reasoning is that if his dad has to take him to school, getting him up and to school early, then maybe Eli will understand that it's not just ME, it's reality that he has to go to school. Further, our family has some really fun times on weekends, and Eli has been missing out. And we miss him.

Our first shot at this didn't turn out so great. I went to pick him up from school after his first schoolday from dad's and he was not happy to see me. He was confused that it wasn't his dad picking him up. He was angry. The day didn't progress well from then. I was hurt, he was pissed, and neither one of us did a very good job of hiding our feelings. But we did eventually bounce back and I am still sticking with the new routine. This weekend should be fun, with some friends coming over tonight for a birthday celebration and a gingerbread house for Eli and Hannah to construct tomorrow. I am looking forward to letting Eli sleep in tomorrow morning and just play around all day. No structure, no routine, just play. Watch tv, play Toontown, make a gingerbread house and maybe some Christmas cookies. I dunno, really. Just an average weekend--at Mom's.

We are all on the same team!

So here we are. School meetings. Can I just say that my son has an outstanding team of people behind him?


Yesterday was the first time since the beginning of school that we have had a Team meeting for Eli and it went fantastically well. We all packed ourselves around a table, sitting in tiny chairs, meeting agenda sheets in front of us to talk about that sweet little kid I call my son. In attendance were:
Principal and Assistant Principal, Classroom Teacher, Cross Categorical Teacher, Teacher Aide, Speech Therapist, Occupational Therapist, Social Worker, Autism Team Member, and of course, Me.


It was a great meeting! The format is casual, as this is not an official IEP meeting. It's a format where we meet every other month to discuss progress, strategies that are working, strategies that are not working, and goal assessments. I know these people well, which is an advantage. It doesn't matter that some of the team is new this year--I've been in contact with all of them--sometimes on a daily basis. Each day when I pick him up from school the aide walks him out after he has "checked out" on his goals sheet with his social worker and she gives me the low-down on how his day went. If he meets his goal, 80%, we stop at the gas station for candy. If he does not meet his goal--no candy. Sugar is a motivator and I am not ashamed to use it.


We are a TEAM for Eli. What this means to me is that we should all have the same goals and support each other. But Eli is a member of the team as well. Though he is not present at these meetings in person, we each feel his presence in the stories we share--both the accomplishments and the failures. There is a quote about how someone learns more from their failures than from their successes but I'm too lazy to look it up. Makes sense though.


I have written in the past about Eli's conversations and experiences with other children, and how I would like for social coaching to be a part of his personal curriculum. As he grows older, his differences from his peers will become more pronounced, not less. He is not going to just blend in. That's okay. We are not a family of blenders. We are individuals and all have something to contribute, right? So now, two years after I started pushing for socialization coaching, someone listened.


Eli loves other children and tries to engage them, but sometimes is too intense. He tends to obsess, which is okay in some instances, but if he is asking a question repeatedly, not listening to the answer, it turns other kids off and they wander away. Problem is, Eli is not paying attention. It was the OT who came up with a plan, bless her heart. She has noticed that though Eli may be paying attention with his ears, his eyes are not where they need to be for successful interaction. He needs continual prompts to look at his buddy--to notice facial expressions and body language. He's very good at decoding expressions and body language, but if he isn't even looking, he isn't going to have anything to decode.


His OT is a mom. She has four beautiful daughters who are friends with my older kids, and one of the girls has a learning disability. She understands the pain of not being included and really wants to help Eli connect. WOW. Someone who gets it! Her plan involves a lunch buddy for Eli--an older child to eat lunch with and help him navigate on the playground at lunch recess--a 4th or 5th grader who is likely to be a bit more patient than his peers and guide him in the mysterious ways of interaction. I LIKE this plan.


Don't misread my post by assuming that Eli is a total social outcast. He isn't--yet. The plan is to help him learn to converse/interact in a semi-normal way with typical peers. He wants to, and his classmates want to as well. His aide tells me that as soon as he hits the hallway in the morning, there are greetings coming from all directions. The other kids want to be his friend, but they don't know how to deal with him. It's just a matter of meeting in the middle, really.


And please, if anyone has suggestions for helping him learn to pay closer attention to nonverbal cues, share them here in the comments. As far as I am concerned, if you are reading this and you care about Eli, you are part of his team. Doesn't that feel good?

Give a Little Bit

I received an invitation to an event on Facebook a couple of days ago. This is not an unusual circumstance as I get invitations all the time, usually to my son's punk shows in the basement of his house or at a similar venue. While I do enjoy seeing him drum and hordes of young people sweat, I frequently turn down these invites. It's tough being the oldest, yet freshest smelling attendee.



No, this event is different and ongoing. It's an event that must be attended. And it has nothing to do with autism, so if that's why you are here and reading, I apologize.


In short, our local Women's Shelter is in danger of closing its doors due to lack of funding. It's not a homeless shelter, per se. Rather, it is a safe haven for victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse and their children. In these unbelievably already trying times, women may soon have no where to go, no one to talk to in the most difficult time of their life--a time that they are trying to break free and start anew.



It's no mystery as to why this is happening. State funding has been cut and employees have been laid off. Those who remain have no clear idea of when or even if they will be paid, yet they stay. That is dedication. That is caring and concern.



The shelter needs help, and I intend to give it in anyway I can. I am free in the daytime and hope to be able to volunteer in some capacity, whether it is manning a phone line or helping to raise much needed funds or organizing other volunteers. At the very least, a monetary donation will help, no matter how small.


I feel very fortunate in my life. I am healthy and happy, as is my family. I don't fear for my safety in my little world. But for scores of women, fear is a reality they cannot escape without help. Please, if there is anything you can do, monetarily or otherwise, pitch in. Without help, the shelter will be closed and women will really have nowhere to turn. If you cannot help monetarily and live far from here, please contact your local women's shelter to volunteer in some way or donate clothing, toys, furniture--whatever they may need. This is everyone's concern and if it isn't, it really should be.


Thanks for reading. Please visit A Woman's Fund for information on how you can help.